Friday, April 27, 2012


One fun fact that you might not know about me or assume about me, due to my dainty & feminine figure, is that I'm a HUGE sports fan. I LOVE watching basketball on TV. The fast-paced game really keeps my attention unlike that trashy, snoozer of a reality show about those Kardashians. They don't really play sports, although they do date a lot of legit sports players,but that's NOT the same. I also like watching shows with horses & dogs. I try to catch a live game as much as I can. With the rugby season in full swing around these parts and with my dad being a player and all, I've been doing a lot of live viewing. I try to stay in the shade (see photo) when I forget my sunscreen. And if you have to mooch on somebody else's shade in order to protect against the elements - a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do. I have NO IDEA who that guy is giving me a back rub. But hey, nobody's a stranger when they let you use their shade & when they ask your mom if they can give you a back rub because you're so darn pretty & irresistible. I make friends wherever I go. I'm ridiculously popular. Seriously- I have to beat them off with sticks.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Spring Break Prep

With all the nice weather lately, I've thrown my spring break prep into turbo gear by going on a lot of walks & doing a fair amount of sun-bathing on the back deck. I want to look tan & thin for spring break -but not too thin (like Angelina) - more like Beyonce-thin (you know voluptuous-thin). I'd say all my efforts are working! Just take a gander at my voluptuous-thinness in this recent pic of me on a Saturday walk with my younger-than-me-uncle, Charles. The poor boy is almost 2 years old & still can't walk on a leash very well. But he's tolerable company for an hour long walk, despite the fact that he cuts me off repeatedly and stops to sniff around way to much (which does nothing for my pace & therefore my calorie-burn). Don't I look great in my workout hoodie? Soon it will be too hot for layered clothing though, so I've been prepping my wardrobe for summer by shopping for trendy accessories like studded collars & fashion sunglasses!!! Must protect these baby blues against the UVs- ok, technically my eyes are brown. But "baby browns" just doesn't have the same ring. I've got my eye on this pair of glasses. What do you think? I think it will do the trick in giving off the vibe that I still care what I look like even though it's too hot to wear clothes. I mean during the summer some dogs really let themselves go due to the heat - they don't wear pretty clothes & hang their disgusting tongues out and pant, pant, pant like they're rabid or something. I do NOT pant. Maybe if we were in Egypt I would but we are in Kentucky and although the humidity sucks when you have fur, it's not THAT bad. Additionally, I continue to accessorize well throughout the warmer months until autumn sweater weather is back. If anyone needs fashion help, I'm now consulting. You may have your people call my people if you are interested. See below for some of my work - my adorable outfit AND I've been working on this pose with Charles. We call it his "Zoolander" look. See how much better he looks in this pic than the first one (with his ear all cocked back)? I really have a gift for improving others.

Monday, February 13, 2012

in the kitchen with me! - your greatest Valentine's gift EVER

Here's a pic of me in the kitchen. I felt like a regular Martha Stewart (sans the embezzlement conviction) or Julia Child (sans the weird voice) with a little flour on my nose. Even though I do not cook often, (since my chef usually sees that I am well fed) I do quite enjoy putting my paws to the noble domestic task of baking. And despite my lack of opposable digits, I actually have a talent for it.

So with the holiday of LOVE coming up I decided I'd make some valentines treats for ME & all my friends and love interests. What valentine wouldn't love a homemade (with love) heart-shaped treat from yours truly?

As you can see from the pics, the treats turned out great and very tasty too! If you must have the recipe, you can find it here on my mom's BORING person-blog.

Here's the list of who's getting my valentines this year:
1. CHARLIE (whom I like to call Charles - like the Prince - since it gives him a bit more dignity), my uncle (dachshand/beagle), who is younger than me. Mom is making me.
2. COLTRANE, my ex-neighbor, black lab, tall, dark and dreamy. We used to have a thing but not since I moved.
3. MIKEY, my neighbor, golden retriever, beautiful blonde fur. He's nine (twice my age) but I don't mind older men.
4. BRODY, a dachshand I've only met once that mom is trying to set me up with. I don't know if it will work out though, I got the inkling that he might be more into guys.

I must be honest- it's a difficulty every year to pick the lucky dogs who are gifted with my sharing. (I rarely share so it's a gift in itself, really, receiving anything that is MINE from me.) I know a lot of dogs and this tail turns a lot of heads...

I recall an excellent example of the reckless abandonment with which my tail is often chased. I was out for a walk in the neighborhood with my mom when a car drove by. A beagle-ish male sat in the passenger seat & his mom was driving. The window was rolled down & when he spotted me he leaped out the window of the moving car & started chasing me down the sidewalk. His mom slammed on the breaks, got out of the car, picked him up & yelled at him. Although it was very valiant of him, his mom was right, he could have been seriously hurt. I mean this dog was so in love with me that he risked his life to chase me. For real!!! I could not make this stuff up! Who can blame the poor dogs - I'm simply irresistible I guess. Now, don't be offended, my pets, if your name is not on a cookie this year from me. There's always next year & look on the bright side - you've got a whole year to work on wooing and boWOWing me!

I had to sneak a bite of my handiwork. Here's my guilty face for being caught on camera eating.

This is what the dough (not the money kind) looked like.

This is what the dough looked like all rolled out. Mom did that part for me. It sucks not having opposable digits.

I made bone-shaped, butterfly-shaped and heart-shaped treats.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


So I know you've all been looking forward to my commentary on last night's State of the Union Address. I know it's hard to believe someone as pretty as me could give a flip about politics but that stereotype is totally off. I mean, look at Michelle Obama - she's got good looks, great style and political prowess.

Sadly, I could not make the invite to the actual event, due to a previous engagement with a redbox rental ("Ides of March" - very timely - and very HOT with Gosling & Clooney sharing scenes) and a very important bone I was working on.

Regarding the things said in last night's speech, I think pretty much everything sounded good that Mr. President said, except for the fact that he was ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room by not even mentioning the topic of support for no-kill shelters (go ahead, accuse me of being a socialist). But alas, all he seemed to talk about was "Jobs, jobs, jobs." (And by that, I do NOT mean Steve. Although, he did get a shout-out in the speech. And the fact that I was streaming the event live on my MacBook served as a sort of tribute as well. R.I.P. S. JOBS)

Anyone who knows me, is well aware that I already have a job, job, job - so the issue really didn't concern me. I actually have three jobs, I clean the floor when crumbs fall on the ground (AM shift), I'm a beautiful dog model and
I clean the floor when crumbs fall on the ground (PM shift). One might technically call those chores, since I technically don't get paid for these, but they really DO occupy my schedule in a most filling fashion. So I like to call them "JOBS."

Even though I was mad that my issue didn't get a mention, I still wanted a picture taken of me with the president. I mean he IS the President.

Although we bear a striking resemblance - we're both brown & have big ears, I want my public to know that I'm not related to this American presidential aristocracy. So just so there's no confusion, I will tell you, I'm the pretty one on the right in the picture. Too bad Michelle couldn't be there for the photo, since I really am more interested in what she wears than all the issues Mr. P kept yabbing about during my normal prime time television programming.

God Bless America.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

a good little dog this year

Santa brought me this for Christmas! No, not the ever-so-festive candy-cane sweater that I would not be caught dead in, except at an ugly sweater party. I wouldn't be wearing it now if not for the fact that my Auntie Em gave it to me and mom wants me to wear it when I could potentially be seen by Auntie Em (kind of like the bunny suit predicament from that Christmas Story movie that has been playing non-stop on TV since Thanksgiving). I don't mind all that much - even though it's fashion-challenged, I make anything look tolerably good and it is pretty cozy on these cold winter days. Speaking of cold winter days, mom & dad are so cheap and keep the heat turned down so low that I was forced to ask Santa for a practical gift this year, just so my tail wouldn't turn into an icicle. And I'd just like to call it to your attention that, obviously, I've been a good little dog this year since Santa made it happen! See above - I'm pictured enjoying (with my eyes closed) my new gift. Other, less civilized dogs might ask for a bone or squeaky toys or treats. All I asked for was a high-end, electric space heater. Technology is where it's at these days. And I wasn't going to go and shoot for the moon by asking for an iPod to feed my Snoop Dogg addiction. I'm giving him up come New Year's anyways. I'm pretty pleased with my gift so I'll just be here blasting myself with hot air until the frost breaks into Spring. It's kind of like being at the spa, in the sauna, but without the awkward old guys in Speedos. Happy New Year, admirers!

Friday, December 2, 2011

i'm a model, you know what i mean?

"I'm a model, ya know what i mean? And I do my little turn on my dog-walks. On my dog-walks. On my dog-walks. Yeah!"

Mom likes to take pictures of me. The poor woman can't help herself, I'm just so irresistibly pretty! I allow all the paparazzi-like attention since it makes her happy. I do my best to cooperate by striking poses whenever the camera comes out - like the one in the photo above (which was featured in our family's 2009 Christmas card).
This, by the way, is what us models like to call, "my good side." But the other side, I won't lie, is my "better side." This is my go-to pose - long & lean neck, glassy eyes with a hint of innocence, effortless beauty - it's a hit every time. Some advice from a professional dog model for all of you who aspire to one day have the camera adore you, like it adores me:
1) NEVER look at the camera - it steals your soul - for realz! AND the flash will turn you into a blind model who can only have a career modeling Stevie Wonder's sunglasses line, which is not very haute couture or pretty.
2) Like they always say "the camera adds 10 lbs.", even if you only weigh seven, so don't overdo it on the treats & biscuits.

Welp, I've got to go get some beauty sleep in preparation for our family's upcoming 2011 Christmas card photo shoot so that will be all for now.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

going potty on rainy days does NOT happen

What a rainy, gloomy day! Days like today I just want to hold it all day long and not even get out of bed so I do, 'cause I can. One of the MOST RIDICULOUS things about being a dog is that we have to go OUTSIDE to relieve ourselves. Rain, sleet or snow-just like the United States Postal Service. If someone would just build me some stairs (or an elevator) up to the tall, white throne in the room where I take my bath, I would have no problem using it. (I've heard of cats who do this.) But the bright idea for a throne elevator has not occurred to the people I have to take care of these important "comfort" issues- so for now, I'll just stay in bed and hold it.